I've dated people in the past, but she's the only one who I've never had doubts about. However, if my partner is off sick or otherwise hanging around the house, I get incredibly irritable after just a couple of days. I work from home, so I get the alone time I need during the day. After that we kinda do our own thing by watching TV, him playing games, etc. I suppose we have very different ideas about what's too much in a relationship. He doesn't encroach in my personal space / need to be alone the same way other people do. Can I get some advice? AskWomen: A subreddit dedicated to asking women questions about their thoughts, lives, and experiences; providing a place where all women can comfortably and candidly share their responses in a non-judgmental space. We're both 22 F and haven't been together that long (1.5 months of seeing each other, 1 week of actually calling each other girlfriend). I didn't realize how much mental space I was using to figure how to phrase things to her so that she wouldn't get mad or hurt. Alone time is normal. She says she feels like she's been neglecting her life since we got together, and wants to slow down. By setting the day or time that I want to spend time, I'm making it clear that they are important. I'm wondering if it's enough. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Heck, even extroverts need some alone time now and again. Our relationship seems to only work well when we're both giving 110% for her. When living together, I usually have a separate office/art room I can retreat too and we plan stuff to do outside of home on our own. If I'm in control of my day (I.e. She should probably go hang out with her friends more often. So saying I have stuff to catch up on is always true. Instead of "I need time apart", "can I see you Wednesday? I'm still sort of reeling from last night, I guess. Is this ultimately a bad match? He hates horror movies but even if I'm watching something else he quarantines himself to the bedroom and barely talks to me. Relationships are about both of your happiness and working together to make both of your lives more enjoyable and more productive as a partnership. I've been with my fiancee over 2 years and she is super satisfied without any alone time. Reads like a platitude but it's true. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. When I'm with friends or my SO, I'm in the mindset of relaxing or having fun, and rarely can get out of it enough to get important errands done, etc. I need space or alone time, I'm not afraid to say so and neither does he. It’s been an adjustment, but I think we’re finally on the right track to meeting in the middle when it comes to the time we spend together. We live together for quite some time already and my SO knows that I need some time alone. But what's not fine is that she relies on me for nearly 100% of her socializing/emotional support. Even married couples need time off from each other. I get home from work earlier than my boyfriend and I go to bed later than him so I usually fit it in then. My boyfriend and I don't technically live together, but we alternate staying at each others houses so we see each other every day after work. We've lived together in small spaces for years and we're quote comfortable with that, I never feel like I need actual alone time. Immature thinking perhaps, but the way she worded things made it seem like I'm a burden on her life... that I've suddenly appeared and haven shaken things up in a bad way. That's my issue I have to work on, I guess. My SO and I will sit in the same room and both be browsing reddit or I'll be playing a videogame. I worry if I'm being too needy, too pushy, too suffocating, if I ask her to hang out. Even if she says she'll change, she may not. I need alone time too. It would only hurt her feelings and make her feel like I don't want to hang out with her ever....she tends to take things to the extreme. I think we both just like knowing we're both there. I tell my girlfriend that I that I need to clear my head for a while and that we'll talk around dinner. In fact, it can be a healthy sign that you’re prioritizing yourself as an individual both inside and outside of your relationship. I'm fine with doing that sometimes actually, if she'd be fine with staying up a little later sometimes (or even just lying in bed with me in the morning a little longer). But now she respects my time, and I make sure i reach out to make time for us together. Its good to have experiences to talk about. My spouse and I work slightly different shifts, so there's times when he's home alone and times when I am. No you are not wrong. Now we're on a break and I think we're going to end it for good. I have a lot of solo interests and hobbies so I require alone time to do them. I work a 40 hour week, and she works something like 37 hours, so we're kind of on the same schedule. Just be careful and watch out for yourself - it's clear that nobody else is. Do you live separately? He sometimes goes on long walks with the dog, so that's another way he grabs some alone time. I feel like couples who realize the importance of alone time stay together longer. Needing space does not necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. How do you find time for you two? I get sad and think she just doesn't want to be around me at all. I've realized I have a lot of problems with motivation, because the idea of taking up a hobby or trying to learn something new is so unappealing to me. She doesn't get along with her family very well and doesn't see her friends much so it's basically me she depends on for company. Maybe because our energy levels match more. Once you have been together for awhile I think you reach a point of being comfortable with just them being there and not having to interact 24/7. As long as it takes for my period to be ovet. Sometimes I get back from work and I just want to listen to music, watch a movie or play video games without talking about my day. No you are not wrong. Honestly, the commute home (45min) is usually an easy decompression - unless there is traffic. As long as I don't work with the guy then 1 night a week is perfect for me. I go home and mindlessly occupy myself with Netflix, music, and aimlessly driving around, but I'm just lonely. I said ok and we got into it. And please understand, I'm not talking about being secretive about wanting time apart, but sometimes the wording and timing of a conversation can go a long way into reducing stress for everyone. Everyone needs time alone and if she makes you feel bad about it thats selfish on her part, not yours. And the thing is, that's fine. I've got some things I need to catch up on". But I scored a man who's presence is calming and he also likes his alone time. She's had every opportunity to hike, so I don't know why she hasn't been. my own house, I plan, there's work or study or errands etc) then I am very satisfied with 1-2hours decompressing time with the other person present. My partner works in hospitality, so he's out most nights, whereas I work during the day. But I'm struggling to picture where I fit into her life, if she needs so MUCH alone time. It's not fair, and your life is for YOU. I have been with my other half 11 years, we are having our first kid together in may but i still make sure that i go out and see some friends without her at least once a week. I'm starting to think it might be true. I don't particularly like having a roommate of sorts, but I'm beyond excited to live with him. Original Post: Asking for myself, I've been living alone in a new city for a few months now, haven't made any real friends, and don't get to see people outside of work. Sometimes when I want to spend the day by myself and not at the house, I'll go to the mall alone and shop by myself. I'm trying to proceed with a clearer head, and hearing differing opinions is good for me. This. And if I do it early, instead of at the end of time together, it doesn't appear like I'm fobbing them off. Basically so long as there's time away from both him and others, I'm very comfortable with just a couple hours to myself. Like she'll say she misses me after two hours we've been apart. I'm truthfully unsure how to walk away at this point. There isn't the constant need to always have a full on conversation going or to always be touching each other. Not a lot when it comes to my SO. When not living with someone it tends to look like spending 3/4 nights a week together and talking the others and leaving one day pretty quiet (usually gaming day). That gives us plenty of time to be by ourselves and destress without having another person nearby. No. It's 100% normal and healthy. Ambiverts like myself do too. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. If we do feel like we spend too much time together we'll focus on our own projects and ignore each other but we'll stay in the same room. She asked me how much I would ideally like to see her, and I told her I needed two times a week at least (one sleepover). Cookies help us deliver our Services. The thing is, we're not seeing each other that much, which is why I'm struggling to understand where she's coming from. Not about living in each others pockets because it will ultimately lead to resentment and staleness. Heck, even extroverts need some alone time now and again. Then all of a sudden she wants to talk about things. And I actually wish this was more of a normal thing. I need a lot of space in my friendships because people drain me really easily, but I want to spend all my time with my SO. Harsh but I needed to hear this opinion. Do you and/or your partner work? New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I usually would get annoyed spending too much time with the same person, but with him I don't at all. (I've also had girl friends who had a falling out or what have you with their other friends but need a lot of companionship depend on me too much, and that sort of stifles me as well). Honestly we're in the same room right now browsing Reddit, we've been quiet for the last hour so that's sorta alone time in its own way. We live in a 3br 2.5ba townhouse and often are doing our own thing but occupying the same room. No, you just need to phrase your request for quiet time a little better. Three times a week tops, usually. A lot. She also says she's not willing to let that go in her life, which I totally understand. I see my girlfriend quite a lot and we sleep with each other most nights, but whenever I suggest we have a night to ourselves she is hurt by it, she tells me that it hurts her feelings and now I feel like the bad guy. We live in a fairly cozy apartment. I generally need an hour or two of quiet time, my hubby can be in the same room or somewhere else, as long as its quiet and I can focus on my own thoughts its fine. Going through the same thing. But if I am REALLY requiring super alone time, I'll just go read in our bedroom or something. I would say I'm a pretty lovey-dovey girlfriend, but at least one or two nights a week I need us to do things apart from each other. We also usually give each other half an hour after greeting the other when they come home. It was later than her usual bed time, but she assured me she was excited and happy to be hanging out with me. I'm married and we live in a small 2 bedroom condo. tl;dr Girlfriend and I have very different ideas of what is 'too much', and I'm having trouble dealing with it. Signs You’re Not Getting Enough Alone Time Your Relationship 1. That's perfectly normal. No you're not. I told her last night that based on what she's told me, the break will be good for us, and she agreed. Mmm I don't feel like I need any more alone time than what I get. But sometimes I need to find different ways to say things. But I can handle days/weeks of alone time, too. Before I went to bed about 4 hours later than him so that wasn't a problem either. If on weekends or during holidays I feel a bit stressed out, I'll go for a walk/hike/run and then I'm good again. I don't want to say anything to make things bad again. I feel like I haven't even had time to miss her yet. Last night it felt like she was putting blame on me, which hurt so much (since I haven't even around most of the time). 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