Often we operate from a perspective rooted in our own perceived deficiency. Today, as you've grown, you realize that it's not possible to reconcile these plans. We can never predict when those warm and fuzzy feelings we associate with love will occur in a relationship. Or perhaps your thoughts tell you that you aren’t worthy of someone whom you consider perfect. Generous? Funny? Having a mental checklist of people who are good on paper does not necessarily translate into good chemistry in a live relationship. What qualities would I like my partner to possess? Just because you don’t feel like you love the person you’re with does not mean it’s time to sound the alarm and panic. Or maybe you knew you had different values in the beginning. So, you don’t love your boyfriend? . Have you had a checklist of qualities that you believe you wanted? This exercise is a useful tool to help you explore and learn about priorities and expectations that you may or may not be aware of. Is he honest? Ashley Baldwin, LPC, CACII – www.facebook.com/BaldwinCounseling. Have I been in love before and if so, what did it feel like? Dating is also a way of finding a compatible temporary or lifetime partner. In any case, once you have drafted your list, make sure it fits YOU. If these areas listed below are similar for you and your partner, I believe there is a good chance you could grow into love. Tall, dark, and handsome just isn’t going to cut it for everyone. If you want to trigger strong feelings of attraction and adoration in your man, you have to know how to get on the same frequency with him. Perhaps you wanted to travel the world and focus on your career, but your boyfriend wanted to get married, settle down, and start a family. Your boyfriend is the best. I think we often view falling into love as the idea of the “love at first sight.” Studies have actually found that the best predictor of a relationship lasting is not this vague idea of “love,” but instead, it is how much two people have in common. Do you feel inferior to someone who is or confident or well-regarded by others? by Normajean Cefarelli – PhD, LMFT, Amanda Patterson – LMHC, Ashley Baldwin – LPC, CACII, Lauren Andre – LCSW, Jessica Lagana – RN, BSN, “Ten years from now, make sure you can say that you CHOSE your life, you didn’t SETTLE for it.”, “We don’t fall in love, we grow in love. “I don't think I am as in love with my boyfriend as he is with me. You always have permission to make the best choices for you. This site requires anonymous cookies and third party services to function properly. You are the only one who can determine whether being in love with your partner is a priority or a desire. The answers are out there, and we can help you find them. So, why don't I love him? Sometimes we can sabotage ourselves if our early life relationships or role models were unhealthy and we are unconsciously drawn to people who are similar to them. When you're with someone whose mannerisms and habits don't irritate you or are worth tolerating, you know you're with the right person. Erica Wollerman, PsyD – www.thrivetherapystudio.com. Talking it through can be useful, and BetterHelp can help. A question to ask yourself is…what type of relationship do I want to be involved in? – 10 Experts Reveal Exactly How To Find Out the Truth, My Ex is Dating Someone Else Already and It Hurts – 5 Relationship Experts Share Exactly What To Do, Why Do I Always Fall For Taken Guys? Pay attention to your thoughts about this ‘perfect’ man. There are many valid reasons why you might feel this way. It’s an opportunity to think without others interfering with our thought processes. Of course, if he doesn't know something is bothering you, he can't change it. There are a few reasons people stay with partners they don't truly love. When you first met your boyfriend, maybe you didn't know what you wanted in the future. The promise of the perfect all-in-one life mate is squashed once again. Take the, Work on Your Love Life With A Skilled Online Therapist, Marriage: A Randomized Controlled Trial of the Web-Based OurRelationship Program: Effects on Relationship and Individual Functioning. Or vice versa. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about. However, keep in mind that everyone has their quirks. If you’re frustrated with your man going cold, losing interest, or pulling away, then this video is a must watch. The revision will help clarify what you are looking for and empower you to refocus your efforts on someone who is in line with your authentic self. Oftentimes, we are surprised at what we write. If so, this is huge and can really help the more intense emotion of love to grow from this. I would encourage you to consider why exactly you think your partner or potential partner is perfect and why you think you “should” love them. If you realize you are not in love with your partner and discover being in love is important; you may want to reconsider the relationship you are currently in. Have you possibly elevated his attributes to ‘perfection’ because you think they are lacking in you? You Boyfriend Treats You Well. Notice I didn’t ask if other people are attracted to them. For more information, please read our. If these mostly align, I think there is a great chance love could grow in the relationship because you are building on a similar foundation. The goal here is to use it as a pact with yourself to stay true to your values through the dating process and ensure you only keep the “keepers.”. If you have trustworthy people in your life, ask their honest opinion. First, do you want to be in a relationship with your partner? – 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Must-Know Insights To Consider Before Getting Back With Your Ex, How To Break Up With Someone You Love – 4 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, How To Love Again After a Broken Heart – A Relationship Expert Reveals Her Best Tips + Insights, Why Won’t He Commit To Me? Whereas in contemporary culture, love is usually considered an important factor. My counselor Dr. If this is happening in your relationship, you may feel uncomfortable or isolated, so you need to let him know how … – 4 Relationship Experts Reveal the Exact Reasons and What To Do About it, Why am I Attracted To Bad Boys? Unsplash / Erik Lucatero. Nor may you transmit it or store it in any other website or other form of electronic retrieval system. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. Copyright © 2020 DeepSoulfulLove. If you have had a pattern of being attracted to unavailable or unhealthy men, seek therapy in order to understand your unconscious childhood issues. Sometimes we feel we “should” love someone but don’t actually feel the feelings of love we might expect. and/or jealous. Do you find them attractive? If he's unwilling to change, it may be time to leave the relationship. Another reason that you may not be attracted to someone that you think is exactly what you want is if you have an addiction to unhealthy relationships. What you wanted in your mid-20s might be different than what you want in your early 30s, and this can create conflict in a relationship. I don’t know how seriously to take this lack of “spark.” If he can't or won't try to fix these things for you, you need to ask yourself if you're prepared to live with these things forever. # As a first step, try to narrow down what qualities are really important to you in a boyfriend and decide accordingly, # Pay attention to your thoughts about this ‘perfect’ man, # The most important question for you is going to be digging deep to determine what you are looking for in a relationship and if your partner, though perfect seeming, is the perfect partner for you, # Remember that real love takes time to develop, and it might even be healthy if you’re not feeling a lot of intense passion right away, How To Say What You Want in a Relationship – 8 Relationships Expert Reveal Best Tips + Strategies, Am I Settling Or Being Realistic? But there’s a missing chemistry….I don’t get butterflies in my stomach around him like I have with other men in my life. Then, he may justify his actions by saying that he's really scared of losing you. Is your heart not letting you love him more than you want,or show it more than you wish b/c you really don't love him. "A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. Perfect what he feels for you, you should end the relationship. Does more wealth or a great job signify superiority? What qualifies as perfect to you? Let your pen express what is truly in your heart. Some of you might be thinking, "Then how is your boyfriend the best?". Brewer helped me to, see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. Patterns can be changed if we work on them. Your intuition may even be telling you that there’s something that’s not quite right, even though Mr. ", If your boyfriend seems perfect, but you don't love him, it can be emotionally confusing. If you are in a crisis or any other person may be in danger - don't use this site. – 3 Relationship Experts Share Their Tips + Insights. What type of a relationship am I looking for? – 6 Relationship Experts Reveal Must-Know Insights To Consider Before Getting Back With Your Ex, How To Break Up With Someone You Love – 4 Relationship Experts Share Their Best Tips + Insights, How To Love Again After a Broken Heart – A Relationship Expert Reveals Her Best Tips + Insights, Why Won’t He Commit To Me? These plans Chlipala, this is a powerful tool in strengthening couples make sure it fits.. Culture, love is a convenient and affordable online counseling service that lets you message experienced licensed. Some thing that you aren ’ t actually feel the feelings of love we might expect these ring! Avoid taking any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a Skilled online.! Can help people fall in love in some cultures used to be — not so fast so! 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